Flat Earth

Dominato watches over the edge of the earth as the sun, once again, skirts the horizon before heading back the way it came. Flat-Earthers are ridiculed back on dry land for believing that the sun is a giant pendulum, constantly swinging back and forth. The astrophysicists, meteorologists, pilots and media are all doing a great job convincing the masses that those people are insane. It would be devastating if the masses knew the truth.

Dominato loves his job. He gets a little submarine all to himself. It’s full of high tech gadgetry and life support apparatus. It has state of the art weaponry. It has a sophisticated navigation system. But, best of all, it has a wicker chair that Dominato puts on the deck to watch the heliopause. The sun doesn’t really set at the edge of the earth. It just slows and stops before turning around and coming back, and when it does, it’s beautiful! The astrophysicists have borrowed the term to describe another phenomenon in their make believe “round-earth” universe. Dominato sits smugly in his wicker chair, knowingly sipping a bottle of apple juice.

As the “crazy” Flat-Earthers already know, the Earth’s surface is surrounded by a wall of ice. They think this keeps the water from falling off the Edge, but the laws of physics don’t really work like that. What the ice actually does is keep the dwellers of the underside of the Earth from climbing around to the top side and causing havoc. The recent issues with the collapse of the Ross Ice Shelf have created a rift in the ice wall, and it’s Dominato’s job to patrol the area.

There’s a flash of light at the edge of the earth. Dominato spots it immediately. He springs to action, dropping his apple juice in the ocean and slamming the manhole shut behind him. He primes the particle accelerator and points it towards the threat. In order to inhabit the other side, the laws of physics must be inverted. The anti-matter creatures, upon entering our domain, begin to rip apart spacetime purely by virtue of their presence. It’s Dominato’s job to delete that segment of spacetime before it creates an unstoppable tear in the universe.

Dominato listens for the beep which indicates that the particle accelerator is ready. It’s loud and unmistakable. The weapon is ready. At the precise moment, he will fire a single atom of a heavy metal to collide with the matter of the invading creature. Their inverse electromagnetic fields will cancel each other out, essentially creating a miniature black hole and “deleting” that small part of spacetime – like cauterizing a wound.

There it is. A titanic beast. It’s surrounded by a halo of light, which is surrounded by a halo of darkness caused by the rupturing of the universe. Thirteenth century writers got it right when they began to describe hell. That’s where this creature came from. Dominato took aim. He’d only get one chance. It takes a lot of power to fire a single atom at the speed of light. The method of aiming is simple: look through the crosshairs. He was selected for his natural instinct and reflexes as a champion video game player.

The critical moment arrives and, not a millisecond too soon, Dominato pulls the trigger.

There’s a vacuum of light and sound as spacetime collapses on itself. The creature is consumed by the cataclysmic bubble. Dominato cracks open another apple juice and goes above deck to sit on his wicker chair. “Aaaaah… I’ve earned my pay this week.”

T

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