Sally found out how to feel important: you start a social media page that says you’re a specialist in something that nobody has heard of, you find a great website template and you start copy-pasting journal articles from the web. Bam! Instant ethnobotanist. Sally spent months flashing her title around at theatres, fancy restaurants, family … Continue reading The Ethnobotanist
I live in a gold house that’s made of plastic, I drive a porcelain car that’s made of plastic, and I kiss my wife’s plastic lips every morning before I go to work. I used to stick the yolk-extraction-needle into eggs back when the eggs came from real chickens, but that was a long time … Continue reading Plastic
Someone has painted the ground yellow! There are swirly yellow ribbons painted all over the city square. The are kids all over the place too, with their heads down as they follow their own footsteps. Some are avoiding the cracks in the pavement. Some are stepping ONLY on the cracks in the pavement. Little people … Continue reading Yellow Brick Road
Screech! Bam! Something’s happened. Everyone in the street cafes stops looking at their phones to see what just happened on the street in front of them. A car has hit a pedestrian on the zebra crossing. None of them saw it happen, but they’ve made up their minds: the driver was at fault. Their minds … Continue reading The Pedestrian
It’s as good a time as any to pull over when the dog’s barking, the kids are crying and the wife is being passive aggressive. It’s time for dad to whip up some of his “Rocky Road, Road Trip, Trippy Chocolate.” He pulls the station wagon into the grass on the side of the highway … Continue reading Trains and Chocolate
The Basilica of San Vitale is the pinnacle of Byzantine architecture. Its golden mosaics are thought to be the finest in the world. The building has stood for over a millennium and its golden tiles... ...they’re not the ones you see here. These have existed since 1961 and they occupy the public consciousness as tacky, … Continue reading Golden Tiles
Dad and his boy are sitting at a picnic table by the beach on a sunny afternoon. “Yuck! This muffin has orange peels in it.” Dad turns to his son and edifies him. “But orange peel has limonene and linalool.” Says Dad in a comical voice. “Are you telling me you don’t like limonene and … Continue reading When Life Gives You Oranges
A man sits at his battered piano, in a little church, on a weathered hill top, overlooking the sea. The church has a Crucifix carved into one pediment, a Star of David in another and a Star and Crescent in another. There’s a Hindu Om, a Druid Triple Spiral, a Wheel of Dharma and an … Continue reading The Fruit Trees
Green and brown: they’re good colours to see in a forest. They’re not so good in a waterway. There’s a 1,800 megalitre sediment containment lake which forms the scenic foreground of the town centre. It’s supposed to be populated with sailboats and crystalline blue, reflective water. Instead it looks like there’s an old, seventies throw … Continue reading The Dam Buster
“Caution: Warning sign ahead” reads a street sign. “Beware trip hazards” reads a different sign in the middle of the footpath. “Don’t drive distracted” reads yet another sign which shares a pole with a sign that reads “hazards on road.” The sign-writers in this town must be rich. There’s a sign for everything! Moreover, the … Continue reading Safety First
Tandi Tales 